Unbelievable. I mean absolutely unbelievable. Violet developed a funny accent, started nibbling books by Sartre and has gone to live somewhere called France. Gideon has gone to live in America in a place called California. And he flew there! I didn't even know he could. Meanwhile I'm stuck at home with the fawn thing (it is so childish! It chases pieces of plastic around and acts like it's the height of sophistication. Of course when I chase pieces of plastic around I am doing it with irony.)

The furless things keep talking about taking me on a honeymoon soon, so that's better than America, surely. The moon is much further away.

The good news is: the fawn thing has gone!

The bad news is: the furless ones kept another of the fawn things.

Furless mummy keeps carrying it around, calling it "her baby" and muttering about all the prizes he's going to win.

Me, I've noticed a couple of things about Ellery Queen, the fawn thing.

1) He may be nice, but I think he's very dim.

2) He's got ghost tabby markings!

Ha ha ha ha ha ha.

That little fawn thing that keeps stealing all my cuddles has only revealed that he's going to be staying on for a bit! I mean, really!!! Aren't there enough cats around here already?

Turns out the people he was going to live with have had some troubles (I have them with that nutty Chocolate Burmese Chunky Monkey) and so they can't have him. I'm stuck with him. And Chunky Monkey. What does a cat have to do for some attention around here???

Little things running around all over the place. Mummy and Auntie Buffy seem to find no time for anything except attaching the little things to their tummies and laying there for hours. I sneaked in and had a go to see what all the fuss was about.

Milk. That's what all the fuss is about. Yummy milk.

So why do the furless ones keep yanking me away every time they see me trying to take advantage of a freebie?

I'll never understand them.

I'm not sure what is up with Buffy. She's putting on weight, even though I'm still stealing the food out from under her nose. Now she's getting less and less interested in rolling about and instead has taken to going off alone and hiding in cupboards.

She hasn't been the same since she came back from that short holiday. I asked her about where she went and she just smiled and said I'd find out when I was older.

Older cats, go figure!

Yesterday the furless ones went out and left us in charge of the house. Well they left me in charge, you can't trust Siouxsie and Buffy to behave.

And, sure enough, the other two found a door the furless children had left open and before you can say "Purina" they were out through it and in the back garden.

The hairless big ones went scattering left and right in search of the other two. Buffy was caught easily but mum managed to jump into the bushes.

It was a brave attempt at freedom, but it was near tea time.

She came back.

What EXACTLY are ghost tabby markings? The big pink furless mum and dad were muttering about them again today. It's been like this since THE SHOW. They try not to mention them when I'm nearby but - HELLO- I'm a cat: I'm always nearby. And with these ears I can hear just about anything.

Home seems a lot nicer now I have seen what the outside world --Bracknell-- looks like. Sure I've been out before, but only twice, and both times only to see the TortureMan in his white room (the furless ones call him "The Vet") but on Saturday I was chauffeured to the Kensington Kitten and Neuter Show. People in white kept taking me out and looking at me. Apparently one of the people in white started the whole "ghost tabby markings" thing and the furless ones have been obsessed with the phrase ever since.

Eventually I was given some rosettes and the furless ones thought that was great and I got lots of cuddles (although they seemed less pleased with the blue ones, which were my favourites, and I had three of them). I'm a little worried that my brother did better than I did at the show, but I think that when these marking things are gone I might do as well as he did.

Ooooohhhhhh, smells like tuna. I'm off. Meoooowww.